Feelings After Miscarriage Validated

 

You never know when you will impact someone in a profound, positive way. Two special strangers did that for me during a difficult time.

miscarriage

During Mother’s Day weekend my husband and I were exploring our town that included parking downtown and walking and getting coffee and looking around in little shops. We were having a wonderful time holding hands and enjoying the day. We probably looked like a carefree couple in love, which was mostly true.

What they didn’t know is that I had just had a miscarriage the month before. We were still feeling our loss pretty deeply, especially because the next day would be Mother’s Day.

This was my first pregnancy. This was supposed to be a very special day. I was supposed to be pregnant on this mother’s day. The news of the pregnancy left almost as fast as it came. I had missed a period and taken a pregnancy test. Sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed. I was pregnant. We were going to have a baby. We were so excited. It was news we wanted to hear. We were preparing to move into a bigger house, and later that year we were going welcome our child into our new home.

One day I started spotting. It continued and didn’t stop until the whole pregnancy was expelled. The actual miscarriage itself wasn’t terrible to go through, unlike some stories I’ve heard. The part that hurt the most was the feeling of loss and disappointment. Which is what I carried on that day before mother’s day.

We walked into a cute little Paris-themed boutique shop that a friend from college showed me years ago. This was the kind of shop that would make anyone with the slightest amount of girliness in them smile.

We were starting to look around, and found their display of expensive, special bar soaps. We were smelling the different soap scents and exclaiming over them when one of the ladies came over closely to us. Right away we both felt like she was going to tell us not to touch the soap. As I was preparing to explain myself, she started to cheerfully introduce herself and tell us about their mother’s day sales.

We then made our way around the store looking at the novelties and the pretty, shiny things. I picked out a pair of sunglasses. We went to the counter to make our purchase. As my husband purchased the sunglasses, one of the ladies told me to pick out a pair of earrings from a display, as they were a gift with purchase.

miscarriageThen, something truly wonderful happened. The two ladies running the shop handed me a rose and wished me happy mother’s day. They didn’t even ask if we had children.

We thanked them and exited the shop. I marveled at what had just happened. I thanked God for what had just happened. To me their act of kindness felt as if God himself had wished me a happy mother’s day. As if he was saying he knows my feelings and acknowledged what had happened.

Those two ladies didn’t know how they made me feel. They didn’t know I had miscarried about a month before. They didn’t know how that weekend I was thinking I should be pregnant-a thought which still brings a lump to my throat. Unknowingly, they gave me validation to my feelings.

At times I felt like I was silently screaming inside about what I had lost. It’s like you want people to know what has happened, but how do you just randomly talk to someone about how it feels to lose someone you have never met?

How do you convey the toll it takes on your psyche to quickly go from the joys of finding out you are pregnant and the plans that take place to a couple of weeks later going through something most pregnant women don’t plan for.

I remember reading a post in a pregnancy forum where a woman told the group that she was out because she had miscarried. I thought how sad for her and thank goodness I didn’t have to go through that. Little did I know it would happen to me.

There was even a period of time where I couldn’t even plan for my emotions. Right before the miscarriage, there was still a shred of hope that it wouldn’t happen. I kept thinking how I couldn’t even prepare my emotions. I didn’t know whether to hold out hope or start the grieving process. I wouldn’t have long to wonder, but it felt like forever at the time.

Two months later I still think about the fact that we have a child in heaven. I still feel like something was taken from me. I’ve come through amazingly well. I understand that our bodies are good at taking care of what is not to be. I still give the situation to the Lord and trust him. I trust that he will continue to heal my emotions. I trust that I will give birth to healthy children. I trust that he knows the desires of my heart and will fulfill them.

miscarriageThose two ladies in the boutique had no idea that they became ministers of healing to me that day and as close to angels as humanly possible. They gave cleansing and healing to the past and hope and life to my dreams.

We have no idea most of the time how our simple words and actions touch others so deeply. It’s important that we make it a point to be more in tune with people we come across. An action as simple as a smile can mean so much. It says you are somebody. You are noticed. We are on the same team. You are not alone.

Will you join me this week in reaching out to someone in a special, simple way? Even if we never know how our action impacts someone, we can trust that we left someone feeling better than when they started their day. This, in turn, will impact our day for the better.

Please join this “reach out” challenge. When you do, please tell us about it by commenting below. Also, please comment how your life was touched in a special way. If this post has touched something in your heart at all, please comment below.

Please join this “reach out” challenge. When you do, please tell us about it by commenting below. Also, please comment how your life was touched in a special way. If this post has touched something in your heart at all, please comment below.

 

3 thoughts on “Feelings After Miscarriage Validated

  1. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. We tried for almost a year before we conceived only to lose it a week later. I remember the feeling of hopelessness. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

  2. We were going through this the day before mothers day, My son took it real hard! Sorry about your loss Jessica, You will be reunited, you are blessed your child will be raised by Jesus, Love you

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